Horses help you make – and appreciate – friends, writes Carolyn Henderson If you’re a horse owner, you’ll have your day mapped out down to the last second. You’ll also have emergency plans A, B and C worked out for times when you have to change course. Even then, there’s an essential extra for your survival guide. You need friends – and hopefully, their number will include one special person on whom you can rely when all else fails. Most of us have trained up a family member to take care of the basics. Even if they don’t know a fetlock from a wither, they can learn to turn out, bring in and supply hay.
If you’re lucky, you can add adjusting rugs and mucking out to their repertoire. But what happens when everything goes pear-shaped and your nearest and dearest emergency person isn’t around, or can’t be contacted? Last week, I was felled by a migraine. My husband took care of our animals and left for work, as I was sure the tablets would kick in and I’d be functional within a couple of hours. Three hours later, I still couldn’t get out of bed, but could hear our Fell pony – who knows his rights and protests when they aren’t met – performing a wall of death outside our bedroom window. A fumbled text message and 15 minutes later, my lovely friend was there to let out the dog, supply hay and insist she’d be back in two hours to check. The migraine rooted itself and I only woke up when my husband came home. He said my friend had returned, checked everyone and everything and mucked out, despite having her own horses, dogs, chickens and work to take care of. Her answer, when I thanked her, was: “You’d do the same for me.” Yes, I would, but it doesn’t stop me appreciating her. It also proved that no matter how organised you are, you can’t be Superwoman or Superman. There’s something about owning horses that draws people together and breaks down barriers. We don’t always realise it until we have a problem, whether it’s connected to horses or another part of our life. The Princess Royal once said that horses were the best levellers, as they were no respecter of status or privilege. And while money might buy you some advantages, you’ll never win a competition or feel happy that your horse has gone well just because you’ve got the most expensive lorry on the yard, or six sets of matchy-matchy horse gear.
Good friends are pleased for you when things go well, help you pick yourself up when they go wrong, encourage you when you’re getting there and tell you when you need to buck your ideas up. Hopefully, you do the same for them. If you have a fragmented life, there may be areas they know nothing about. But hang on; next time you need non-horsey help, just look around your horsey circle. I have a friend who was made redundant; illegally, it turned out. It also turned out that a quiet, unassuming woman who kept her horse on the same livery yard was a barrister who specialised in employment law. She offered to represent her at the first meeting with her company. My friend was nervous because the company solicitor had tried to override all her arguments. The quiet, unassuming woman patted her hand as they waited. “My dear, I chew up people like him and spit out the pieces,” she said, then did just that. Do you have someone who has helped and encouraged you, or given you the impetus to carry on when everything went wrong? If so, we’d love to hear about them. Horsey friends deserve thanking, and deserve to be celebrated.